My Problem


My Problem

A lot of people have no problem telling me what “My Problem” is. It turns out a lot of the time they take offense at facts. Hey … It’s not my fault. Facts are facts.

Jeez …


Forced Addendum Department:

The most important aspect of any article on The Internet is how it is ranked by search engines (Google). Therefore every page must undergo SEO (Search Engine Optimization). And one unshakable rule seems to be that an article must use at least 300 words. 300 words. If it is not at least that length … It Is Doomed to wallow in the unchartered backwaters of The Internet Swamp where blog posts go to die. Well we can’t have that can we?

Strunk & White’s The Elements of Style (every writer’s handbook) states in the 17th principle of composition: “Omit needless words.” HAH! Obviously they didn’t know anything about The Internet or Google. Probably because they are dead. These days I guess you’re supposed to write by the pound. But not too much. If the article is too long you get marks off for “Readability.” I have yet to read the SEO definition of Readability that had any sort of understandability … by me. I’m reduced to saying the exact same thing I said in elementary school when first faced with finding the square root of a number: “I Don’t Get It.” Regardless of how the nuns tried to teach me the concept … it never ever ever stuck in my head. Now I have a handy calculator that came bundled with the operating system that instantly spits out the correct number. I assume it’s correct anyway. I have no idea how to verify what it’s doing. But that’s OK. Square roots have yet to crop up.

But for now to hell with Readability. The goal here is getting a green light SEO rating. Rather than shamelessly padding every article that came up short of the magic 300 words … I decided to write this separate bit O’Padding. Oh look. 300 words. I can stop now.




  1. I can hardly wait until Google and Twitter merge — there will then be a 300-word minimum to post, which will preclude Hair Furor, his cronies and followers, and most of my fab fellow Americans, from taking their seriously deranged meat-cell-spew-verbiage onto the site and infecting innocent bystanders. Until that day, we can at least dream. Praise the lard and prevent the “nukular” fission.


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