God Bless You Mr. Vonnegut

From Kurt Vonnegut’s God Bless You Mr. Rosewater:

“He rambled on, said such things as, ‘You know, I think the main purpose of the Army, Navy, and the Marine Corps is to get poor Americans into clean, pressed, unpatched clothes, so rich Americans can stand to look at them.’”

August 2, 2007


Forced Addendum Department:

The most important aspect of any article on The Internet is how it is ranked by search engines (Google). Therefore every page must undergo SEO (Search Engine Optimization). And one unshakable rule seems to be that an article must use at least 300 words. 300 words. If it is not at least that length … It Is Doomed to wallow in the unchartered backwaters of The Internet Swamp where blog post go to die. Well we can’t have that can we?

Strunk & White’s The Elements of Style (every writer’s handbook) states in the 17th principle of composition: “Omit needless words.” HAH! Obviously they didn’t know anything about The Internet or Google. Probably because they are dead. These days I guess you’re supposed to write by the pound. But not too much. If the article is too long you get marks off for “Readability.” I have yet to read the SEO version of Readability that had any sort of understandability … by me. I’m reduced to saying the exact same thing I said in elementary school when first faced with finding the square root of a number: “I Don’t Get It.” Regardless of how the nuns tried to teach me the concept … it never ever ever stuck in my head. Now I have a handy calculator that came bundled with the operating system that instantly spits out the correct number. I assume it’s correct anyway. I have no idea how to verify what it’s doing. But that’s OK. Square roots have yet to crop up.

But for now to hell with Readability. The goal here is getting a green light SEO rating. Rather than shamelessly padding every article that came up short of the magic 300 words … I decided to write this separate bit O’Padding. Oh look. 300 words. I can stop now.




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